


I'm Not Afraid

by ThatFangirlOverThere



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drabble, Established Relationship, Established Snowbaz, Fluff, M/M, Mild Angst, My First AO3 Post, Nightmares, Oneshot, SnowBaz, i don't know how to tag things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 08:17:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5778202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatFangirlOverThere/pseuds/ThatFangirlOverThere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baz has a nightmare, and Simon wakes up to comfort him. But this dream wasn't like any other, and that fact bothers Simon the most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not Afraid

_Hot. Hot. The whole world is so hot. The bright orange of the flames is everywhere, and I shrink in on myself, the whole of my body trying to do nothing more than get away from the bright hot heat of the fire._

_It’s hopeless, though. I know it is. The flames are closing in, drawing nearer and nearer, and I can feel my flesh searing, as though it’ll begin to bubble like boiling water any second._

_Tears spill from my eyes as I drag them up to take one last look at the boy standing above me, blonde curls bouncing atop his head, eyes crinkled up in a laugh that makes the mole under his left eye shift with his skin, burnt out match in his hand._

_And then the world is nothing but hot and black._

 

Someone’s shaking me. I bolt upright before doubling over forward in bed, cool sheets pooling around my waist. There’s a hand on my back, rubbing slow circles on my bare skin. I lean into the touch.

“Baz?” his voice comes eventually, overlapping my ragged breathing in the otherwise silent midnight air. “You okay?”

“S-Simon,” is all I manage to stutter. My voice breaks on the last syllable, and he pulls me into his chest. I hide my face in the crook of his neck and just breathe for a few minutes.

He pulls us back down into a laying position after a second, keeping me close to him. Simon’s stopped talking for now, but his arms are still around me and his hand is still rubbing circles on my back. I can feel his hot breath on my scalp as he plants a kiss in my hair.

“What was it, Baz?” he asks after a while.

“You,” I mumble into him.

“What about me?” 

“Y-you killed me, Snow.”

He flinches at the use of his last name; I’ve taken to calling him Simon in the time since we got together. He sits up, and I shrink into myself at the loss of his touch, squeezing my eyes closed.

“Baz,” he says, above me. “Look at me.”

I open my eyes.

“Where did that come from? Are you afraid of me?”

“No,” I say. “It was just a dream, Simon.”

“I’m not stupid, Baz!” His voice comes out harsh, and it’s my turn to flinch. “Dreams are subconscious thoughts. Don’t you think I know that?” 

“S-Simon…” I mutter.

“You’re fucking scared of me, Baz!”

“ _Stop!_ ”

He jolts at the tone of my voice, but is effectively silenced.

I sit up before speaking again.

“I’m not afraid of you, Simon. I love you. Sometimes old thoughts stick around. That’s all. After all those years of expecting you to kill me, I’m bloody well expected to have a nightmare every so often! But that’s all it was; a bad dream.”

He stays silent.

“Do you understand?”

Nothing.

“Crowley, Snow! Say something.”

He’s staring at me, now. He didn’t even flinch, and that scares me most of all. Blue eyes bore into mine. I’d give anything to know what he’s thinking.

“Simon.” My voice comes out in a strangled whisper, and that’s when he breaks. His face crumbles like a porcelain mask slamming down onto a hard floor. I watch it as it happens, as he sinks into me. I wrap my arms around him and realize there are hot tears rolling down my chest where he hides his face.

“I-I’m sorry,” he cries. “I’m so sorry, Baz.”

“Hey,” I murmur. “Simon. You haven’t done anything wrong.” 

“I yelled at you,” he says, voice deathly quiet. “I’m supposed to be making you feel better, and I fucking yelled at you.”

“You were just upset,” I tell him, rubbing slow circles between his wings. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

He lifts his head to look at me. “It’s not oka--” he starts, but I cut him off, pulling his body closer to mine (he’s practically sitting in my lap, now) and pressing my lips to his. He freezes for a moment, but I watch as his eyes flutter closed and he kisses me back like his life depends on it.

The kiss breaks a few long moments later when I pull away for air. Simon rests his head against my heart, no doubt listening for the beat that isn’t there. 

“Let’s sleep,” I suggest, and he nods against me, but makes no effort to move. “C’mon,” I whisper, nudging him from my lap. 

He moves now, wrapping his wings around us and taking me into his arms. I lay back toward the headboard, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling his tail loosely around my forearm. He sighs in what seems to be contentment, resting his head on my shoulder and pressing a soft kiss there as his eyes close again. I lean down to press a matching one against his forehead and he hums happily before going quiet. His breathing evens out seconds later, and, soon, his soft snores fill the room.

I smile down at him, squeezing him closer. 

“I’m not afraid,” I breathe against his curls, and I mean it.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! This was my first AO3 post, so a comment or kudos would be much appreciated. Also any constructive (or non-constructive) criticism would be helpful. Thanks for reading!


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